With all of life’s challenges, it’s easy to underestimate the value of being happy with your partner. Whether you’ve been together for 50 years or five, there are a few key signs you’re doing just fine.
Relationship experts have tricky territory to navigate, with some couples wanting to know how to be happy in a relationship and other wanting to spice things up. But what’s clear to many, is that it’s the small things that show whether or not couples are content – something as simple as a smile.
New research, published in the Emotion Journal, revealed that couples with the greatest relationship happiness tend to smile together, more often and in a more coordinated way. Couples distressed and in relationship therapy showed much lower levels of smile alignment. It’s hardly surprising as we tend to smile more when we’re happy, but it shows that small gestures go a long way.
Kristina Virro is a psychotherapist and couple’s therapist, with a large following on social media where she’s known as ‘TherapyKristina‘. She revealed her thoughts on the six other things happy couples do.
Six things happy couples do
- Create micro moments of connection
- Ask your partner how their day has been
- Actively listen to each other
- Offer one another love and physical attention outside of sex
- Show appreciation
- Do thoughtful things from a place of generosity
Kristina says that her six nuggets of advice are small, but “the accumulation of them makes a huge impact on a relationship” in the long run.
Elaborating on creating micro-moments of connection, Kristina suggested this can be as simple as offering a good morning kiss every day, giving a small hug before a partner leaves for work, or asking how their day has been.
“It’s really easy to forget to check in on one another when you just get lost in the hustle and bustle of life, she says, adding that this is a small act but when combined with the others, it can contribute to overall happiness.
In Kristina’s opinion, active listening includes asking questions, offering undivided attention, and putting away your phone, avoiding what’s become known as ‘phubbing’. According to Verywell Mind, active listening is a communication skill that requires honing. It’s about going far beyond hearing what another person says and, instead, it’s about understanding the meaning and intent behind the words.
To listen actively, a person should be fully present in the conversation, and show their interest in it by using good eye contact. Non-verbal clues should be taken in and acted on, with open-ended questions asked to encourage further responses.
The listener should paraphrase and reflect what’s been said to them, to demonstrate listening to understand, rather than simply just respond. Active listening is a skill that can be transferred to a number of settings, including with children, at work, or in social situations.
To give your partner loving attention away from sex, Kristina suggests subtle actions such as hand-holding or playing with your partner’s hair, which can help revive romance in a relationship.
Moving on to showing appreciation – something that can be very much lacking when you’ve been together for a few years and everyone is busy. Kristina said that simply telling your partner “thank you for loading the dishwasher” can make a big difference.
You might be thinking: “Does he need a trophy every time he does something?”, and to this, the therapist says: “It’s not about that, it’s about creating a loving, kind culture in your home.”
It’s worth adding that these actions work both ways – reciprocal thanks from the other person in the relationship is required, particularly if they’re the one not taking on the majority of household tasks and the mental load.
Kristina concludes by suggesting doing thoughtful things from a place of generosity. She suggested bringing a morning cup of coffee or leaving a love note can work in this instance. It’s a small thing that can help with happiness in a relationship.
Many people responded positively to Kristina’s advice, with one saying: “It’s sad to think that this isn’t the norm in relationships. 20 years strong and it honestly just gets better thanks to things like this!”
Another added “My wife and I do all these things everyday with out even thinking about it. She’s my best friend and we always take time to check in on each other.”
