Dr Becky says her simple trick takes less than 15 seconds and could ‘immediately’ improve your relationship with your teen – and you can try it today.
You’d been forgiven for thinking that once your kids know how to get themselves dressed and can walk to school on their own parenting becomes easier, but parents of teens might beg to differ. Amid exam stress, puberty and peer group troubles, you might find yourself wondering why your teenager doesn’t talk you you anymore and searching for teen conversation starters in order to tackle the most important conversations with your teen.
If you feel like your relationship with your child has been strained since they hit their teen years then you’re most certainly not alone, but there are ways you can get your communication back on track. Fortunately, child psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy has shared one trick you can try today to ‘immediately’ improve your relationship with your teen.
Taking to Instagram, Dr Becky shared in a reel “Here is something you can do with your teenager today that takes less than 15 seconds and will immediately improve your relationship.” She goes on to advise parents to find their teen in a calm moment and ask just one question: ‘What is one thing I could do to improve as your parent?’
Explaining why this tactic works to improve parent-teen relationships, Dr Becky likens it to a workplace manager asking their employees ‘What is one thing I could improve on as your manager?’ She says that immediately “you feel seen, you feel respected, you feel important. You feel like your voice matters already, you feel better about your relationship”.
And for parents who worry this might elicit a ridiculous demand from their teen – like asking for enormous amounts of money or for time off school – Dr Becky says “any answer your kid gives you is information”.
She adds, “[If] your child says ‘You could give me $500 every day’, I’d say back: ‘Ok, tell me more about that. What would you do with that $500? Are there things you want to do that you can’t afford? Do you see people around you have more spending money than you do?'”
That doesn’t mean you have to actually increase your child’s pocket money, Dr Becky clarifies, it’s about “listening with curiosity”.
Dr Becky’s followers were impressed with her advice. One commented, “This is such an important advice. We’re often afraid to ask because we think we won’t be able to honour the request. But we don’t have to act on it, we just need to be curious about what they’re trying to tell us”. Another said, “I don’t have a kid but a nephew who it’s my life and trust me so this tip is super valuable to me”.
But others were disappointed with their teen’s responses to the questions, with one writing under the post, “Mine just said ‘I don’t know? Everything?!'” And a fellow frustrated mum said, “Mine can never answer this question”.
You might not get the answer you want every time, but we reckon this trick is worth a go. If your teen doesn’t open up the first time, ask regularly so they can think about it, and they might have an answer for you when they’re ready.
In related news, we asked the experts what to expect when your teen starts dating. And if your teen isn’t taking your unsolicited advice, here’s how to make yourself heard. You might also be interested in what ‘teen-ternity’ leave is, as some parents choose to take a career break for their older kids.
