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Ellie Goulding has revealed she suffered from “debilitating” panic attacks and became addicted to exercise after shooting to fame in her 20s.
Ellie Goulding confessed that she felt worthless when she first burst onto the music scene and often went through feeling “ridiculously low” as she battled with her mental health.
The singer, 34, has opened up about her tough times in her new book Fitter. Calmer. Stronger, which is released on September 2.
In an extract from her book, reported by The Sun, she wrote: “My low days used to be ridiculously low. I just couldn’t find a way out of them. I often felt as if I was failing because when I felt down I wasn’t being productive.
“My voice, my music and writing will always be my mysterious, unpredictable, fiery friend for life.
“But even if I write something I love, I can’t always rely on it to make me feel good. I often write my best songs when I’m feeling miserable.”
Ellie admitted her gruelling schedule took a toll on her mental health, writing: “By my mid-20s I was suffering debilitating panic attacks.”
She said that the attacks “began to build slowly” and that she experienced one on a photoshoot and just ahead of a live TV show which she admits she has never watched back, convinced she would be able to see the “terror in her eyes”.
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Ellie Goulding turned to exercise to try and help control her emotions, but soon found herself using it to control things and “distract herself from how she felt”.
Ellie explained: “I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was using exercise as a crutch. I couldn’t control many things around me, but I could control how much I exercised.
“Exercising too much led me to start eating poorly. Rather than seeing food as fuel and making wise decisions, I’d eat rubbish and think I could just burn off the calories…
“It was about distracting myself from how I felt.”
Ellie confessed that she still sometimes suffers with feelings of anxiety but is much happier now after finding love with husband Caspar Jopling and becoming a mum to their son, Arthur.
