Should I move away like lots of my friends?

We’ve all felt left behind at some point, and while it’s very much part of life, that doesn’t make it any easier.

Whether it’s friends moving away, your children moving out, or you’re weighing up retirement, change can be tricky to accept. But how you deal with those changes are up to you – and there are more possibilities than you might think.

There’s no ‘right’ answer

(Image credit: Getty Images)

Feeling left behind in life is something I think we’ve all experienced at some stage – I know I have. And it really doesn’t help when we start to measure ourselves against what others are doing.

Whether it’s leaving home for the first time, watching friends travel around the world, agonising over marriage and kids, or retiring from a career you’ve loved for decades, it’s all a part of growth and change.

And one thing I know for sure is that change can be really difficult, especially when it means rethinking your social circles and the ways you find friendship.

It stirs up a whole mixed bag of emotions – from the fear of losing your security, to excitement about the possibilities that are waiting for you elsewhere.

You’re facing an almost impossible dilemma: should you stay close to the safety of familiarity, or take a leap of faith into the unknown with the potential for new love and connection?

There’s no ‘right’ answer here, so let’s try and clarify what feels best to you.

A change of scenery could be beneficial

Firstly, the ‘leap of faith’ option. One thing I’m struck by is that you’re still young! You’re only 63 – and, I’m guessing, healthy and financially stable – so this is a chance for you to create the life you want, with the freedom of knowing you’re not burdened by any previous responsibility. What a glorious position to be in.

Moving west to join your pals could offer some fantastic new opportunities, particularly if you feel drawn to the place they’ve chosen to live.

start dating again.

Having said that, your friends’ presence doesn’t guarantee an automatic social network, and moving somewhere unfamiliar can be challenging, especially if you’re anxious that meaningful connection may be hard to come by.

Reflect on why you want to stay where you are

One way to approach this is to explore what, exactly, is drawing you to the idea of moving and whether there are ways to experience those benefits without having to leave your current home.

Sometimes, longing to follow friends reflects a need for closer relationships that you might be able to build right where you are already. Is it that you’re feeling bored? Dissatisfied? Are you looking for purpose?

Have a think about engaging in social activities locally that might open doors to new friendships.

If you’re leaning towards ‘staying put’, then reflecting on your relationship with your children could also help. You’ve said that weekly visits with them are an important source of stability for you, so moving far away could mean losing that consistent closeness.

Try to imagine life without those weekly visits – would you feel a significant void or would other friendships fill that space?

Some people I know who’ve moved away from family find that creating regular phone calls or video chats eases that distance – but only you can decide if that will be enough for you.

Maybe the best way to solve this is to experiment without commitment. Spend a few weeks visiting your mates in their new place to get a feel for what living there might be like, while also thinking about whether you could be happy creating new friendships where you are.

If you approach this decision with curiosity, rather than pressure, you might just find your anxiety disappears – and a new life opens up.

Anna advises our readers on relationship issues of all sorts, such as friends who make everything about them, worries about a daughter’s relationship, addressing health concerns for a loved one and navigating an empty nest, with a new Ask Anna column published in woman&home magazine every month.