Relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Jillian Turecki has revealed the impact “micro-rejections” might be having on your relationship – saying while they may seem small, all of them built up over time can devastate relationships and lead to a big “break up.”
No matter how long a couple has been together, it’s always worth checking in to make sure you are both happy in the relationship, and doing what you can to build a strong and mutually beneficial partnership. But what about the little things? What about the seemingly minuscule, day-to-day actions we might not even realise have an impact on our relationships?
In a candid Instagram video, Jillian Turecki revealed it’s these little things she calls ‘micro-rejections’, which are one of the most overlooked yet biggest causes of relationship failure.
“Rarely will we break up with someone because we don’t love them anymore,” she said. “In fact, most relationships end not because of a lack of love but because a lack of connection. And it’s in the absence of connection that out motivation to meet each other’s needs fades.”
According to her, “a lot of things” can cause this lack of connection. But, she says, “One thing that is not considered enough is rejection.”
She’s not talking about direct rejection. “It’s the small micro-rejections that are stacked one on top of the other over weeks, months and years. It’s the looking at our phone every time we’re at dinner with someone we love. It’s every time we’re telling someone a story [and] they’re looking down at their phones. It’s these little things that we’re not even aware of.”
Jillian adds it’s something we must work on “if we want to become more skilful in relationships.”We have to become aware of how rejecting we are when we don’t even realise it,” she said.
So what’s the solution? Jillian says people must start showing love in more “meaningful ways.”
She explains, “A relationship needs daily connection – eye contact, kindness, and presence. When we stop nurturing the relationship, we create gaps. And those gaps widen until one day, we no longer feel seen, valued, or chosen.”
People were quick to take to Jillian’s comment section and share their own thoughts and experiences on the subject. “The phone was a huge issue for me,” one person said. “It really bothered me. It makes me feel like whatever I am saying in that moment is not interesting. I think it’s really rude.”
Another shared, “Communication is always the reason for the break ups I’ve had in my life. Not connecting because the communication needs were not being met.”
And a third wrote, “Well said! Sometimes, love fades not in grand, cinematic heartbreaks – but in the smallest, quietest ways.”
