We ask middle children what they wish their parents understood about being the most overlooked sibling

The middle child gets a hard rap so in honour of Middle Child Day, we asked some middlies – of all ages – what they wish their parents had known about the plight of the plucky middle kid. Here’s what they told us.

Middle kids have a lot to deal with. No wonder it’s rumoured that even Princess Charlotte suffers ‘middle child’ syndrome – they’re squished between the cute baby of the family (who gets away with murder) and the adored eldest child (whose achievements steal the limelight), plus they’re often the family scapegoat when it comes to sibling squabbles.

But if you’ve ever wondered why your middle child is always starting arguments with siblings it might be worth pausing to consider the possibility that middle kids aren’t getting a fair hearing. That’s certainly the impression we got when we assembled some grown-up middle kids and asked them what they wish their parents had known about how hard it was to be the middle child. Prepare to relate hard if you’re a middle child yourself and if you’re the parent of a middle kid, you might want to use this article to open up a conversation with them… ahead of National Middle Child Day. Here’s what they told us…

What middle kids wish their parents had known

We wish you had made more fuss of our achievements. “Yes, we’re a little bit bitter about this but c’mon, that’s our birthright as the middle kid. It feels like it’s never our turn in the spotlight, no matter what we accomplish in life. The eldest gets heaps of praise for blazing a trail with their achievements and the youngest gets celebrated for every little step they take but the middle kid? No-one is ever as excited about our successes because the eldest has usually beaten us to it and our parents are savouring the youngest’s big moments because they’re the ‘last’ kid. A little more fanfare when we get something right – instead of just when we get stuff wrong – wouldn’t go amiss.”
We hated it when you compared us with our siblings. “Nothing makes us feel more like the ‘spare to the heir’ than when you compare us with our siblings. It doesn’t even have to be an unfavourable comparison – you might think you’re doing us a favour by pointing out that we’re so much taller than our brother was at our age but we’d love, every now and then, to be recognised for something in our own right.” Imagine how you’d feel if your friends only ever complimented you in the context of how you compare to your friends?!
Just because we’re good at refereeing doesn’t mean we like it. “It’s well-documented that middle kids make excellent mediators and we agree that our peacekeeping skills are pretty outstanding. But we didn’t have a choice, remember? We’d love you to have recognised that our highly-developed refereeing skills were a survival instinct and not necessarily a natural trait. Rather than relying on us to resolve sibling disputes or help lighten your load by babysitting, we’d like you to have treated us a bit more like the carefree kids our siblings seemed to be.”
Sharing isn’t sharing when you have no choice. “There’s a reason why middle kids love birthdays so much; we’re so used to sharing everything from our toys and the TV to our books and the biscuits, so we look forward all year long to f-i-n-a-l-l-y getting something in our mitts that is ours and ours alone.”
We really like one-on-one time. More than you think. “Yes, we always had company in the shape of our siblings but no, that doesn’t mean we don’t need one-on-one time with a parent every now and again. If anything, we crave it. Maybe we’re subconsciosly trying to redress the balance. After all, the eldest had you to themselves for a season of their lives and the youngest will likely be the last one standing at some stage once the rest of us move out. But when, if ever, do we get time to ourselves with you? Go on, take us out for ice cream or plan a monthly middle-child date. Watch our eyes light up.”
We’re wind-up merchants for good reason. “Honestly, we didn’t wind our siblings up just to annoy you. It’s more that as a middle kid we sometimes didn’t feel seen unless everyone was yelling at us. Mature? No. Necessary? Yes. Think of it as a cry for help.”
We’ve got strong opinions too. Stuck in the middle between siblings, it’s not always easy to get your voice heard as a middle child. “We’re masters at keeping the peace when we choose to – mainly to ensure we don’t all end up grounded or with a dreaded screen ban for squabbling. But sometimes our desire for everyone to get along gets mistaken for some sort of following-the-crowd vibe. Actually we’ve got some pretty strong opinions and if that’s news to you, it might be because you’ve never really listened or didn’t hear us over our siblings. Ask our opinion on something and then settle in for some surprises.”
We quite like fading into the background. It’s a myth that we’re constantly plotting to steal the spotlight from our siblings. And, contrary to opinion, we’re not always hungry for attention. Sometimes we’re happiest fading into the background of family life. We wish you hadn’t assumed we were sulking. Sometimes we were just relishing the peace.”
Independence is overrated. “Sure, us middlies are good at striding ahead into the world and working out how to do things for ourselves. We’ve never known the parental undivided attention that our oldest sibling had, and we don’t get fussed over like the youngest does, so of course we’ve had to figure out some stuff the hard way. Yes, being independent is a life skill that has served us well. But we kinda like it when other people take the wheel or lead the way. We’re not being lazy, we’re just pausing for breath after all those years of teaching ourselves how to do stuff while you were handling homework or bath time.”
We’re wildly forgiving. If any of this hits a nerve, please know that we’re not really bitter about being the middle child. (There are some perks, too, it’s fair to say.) And despite sometimes feeling overlooked, we know you were always doing your best. We saw you juggling a lot – and yes, chucking the occasional ball in our direction that we didn’t really feel was ours to catch. But middle kids are nothing if not forgiving. So it’s all good; we’ve got your back. But how about that middle child movie night?”