Did you grow up in a large family? You might have developed these eight traits as a result – we asked a psychologist to explains why.
We know that having siblings can have a profound impact on kids, with eldest daughters often suffering from eldest daughter syndrome and teenagers experiencing a surprising effect on their mental health when their siblings are young. If you’ve got siblings, the way they shape your life will be something you’ll understand intimately. But what about those who come from large families and have more siblings than fingers to count them on?
According to Dr. Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of US Therapy Rooms, there are eight common traits shared by people who grew up in large families, each of which develops as a direct result of the hustle and bustle of large-family life.
1. Patience
2. Resilience
3. Ability to compromise.
“Growing up as one of many siblings is like being immersed in a microcosm of humanity from day one,” he told us here at GoodToKnow. “It’s a petri dish for developing some truly fortifying life skills – not that it always feels that way in the moment when you’re squabbling over the last bowl of cereal.
“But think about it – with constant negotiation for resources, attention and personal space, kids from bigger broods can’t help but become masters of patience and compromise. Waiting your turn and learning to appreciate what you have builds incredible resilience over time,” he added.
4. Adaptability. Dr Glazer explains, “A large family demands this adaptability to survive the chaos. You quickly realise you can’t control every situation, so you adapt – maybe finding solace in a good read escaping to your imagination when the living room’s a circus.
5. Independence. Learning adaptability, Dr Glazer says, also leads kids in large families to develop independence too. They’re forced to figure out how to carve out a space for themselves even in the most chaotic of situations, listening to their ‘unique needs’ and knowing when to step away to get some calm.
6. Socialising. It perhaps goes without saying, but kids who are exposed to large groups tend to feel at home in these types of environments.
7. Conflict-resolving. The expert says, “The squabbles teach assertiveness in standing up for yourself, sure, but also that subtle art of reading social cues and bringing people together. It’s like being raised by a litter – you inherently learn to sniff out others’ emotional states.”
8. Open-minded. “There’s a sheer abundance of personalities and perspectives under one roof, so how could open-mindedness not be encoded into your very DNA in such an environment? You’re encountering all these different quirks, traditions and viewpoints on a daily basis. It builds empathy and curiosity about people’s inherent differences.”
The expert’s insight is backed up by the real-world experience of those who have grown up in big families. Speaking to Reader’s Digest, one member of a large brood revealed, “Although my house has never been quiet, I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s made me a much more social and loving person. I have learned to be more patient and understanding” —Emily Scoular, one of seven children.
“I grew up with seven siblings and because of it, I’ve always had a built-in support system,” another added. “I never needed many friends outside of my family which made me very independent early. When I went away to college, I had already tried a lot of the things my peers were doing because my older brother and older sister had set the precedence by trying it all, so thanks to them I didn’t have to fall down the rabbit hole of new experiences with strangers” —Tamar Bazin, one of seven children.
Another person shared, “I grew up one of four and the eldest of two younger sisters, so I had to be their role model. While I was at home sleeping they would sneak out and take my car. Nothing in my wardrobe was mine except my shoes (they were way too big for them). Sharing is now my nature because of my siblings” —Orna Zak, one of four children.
“I grew up in a blended family with six kids between two houses (four at my primary home),” another person explained. “As the oldest, the biggest lesson I learned as part of such a large family was emotional intelligence. Being able to read a room and understand how people are feeling, and adapting accordingly. This can also be a hurdle, because being constantly aware and worried about how other people are feeling can make it hard to get an honest point across” —Christina McGoldrick, one of six children.
“As the youngest of seven children (five girls and two boys), the most positive thing I learned was the ability to laugh at myself and just generally have thick skin. My six siblings are now and always will be my built-in best friends, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t seize the opportunity to humble me when it seems I may need to be taken down a notch” —Monica Banks, one of seven children.
In other family news, it turns out there is an ‘ideal’ age gap between siblings, according to science. Plus, not close to your sibling? Psychologist reveals why it’s ‘completely normal’. And, Dr Becky reveals why your middle child is always starting arguments with their siblings.
