A mum took to TikTok recently to share an age-old debate, ‘is it okay to discipline someone else’s child’.
Mikahla Humphris was frustrated when older children entered the baby area of softplay – where her 7-month-old was playing – even though there was a separate area for them. She felt their actions, at three and four years old, weren’t safe and her baby was in danger.
In her video, she spoke about the situation; “… catch up with other mums great, yep you need that too but don’t just expect other people to watch your children. And also don’t get sh***y with me if I tell your kid to be careful because he’s putting my son in danger.” She goes on to add; “your kid is not supposed to be in this area, the area is for babies your son is four so if he’s going to knock my kid over I’m’ going to say something. So… Do better.”
@jakes.endo.mumma
♬ original sound – jakes.endo.mumma
We share the views of two mums, who were asked if it’s ever okay to discipline someone else’s child, here’s what they had to say…
Is it ever OK to discipline someone else’s child?
Yes – “They’ve got to learn!”
Holly Matthews, 39, from Coventry, is mum to two girls, aged 13, and 11.
I have no qualms telling a child off if they are misbehaving – including those that aren’t my own. I’m not talking about screaming at a child, particularly a little one, but if a child is in my home and they’re breaking my rules, they will be told not to do it by me, the adult in charge. If their parents are there, I’d make them aware.
I have told off kids in public too. One 10-year-old boy was walking to school past my house when I saw him drop a can and kick it down the street. I told him to pick it up. He went red in the face and put it in the bin. Another time, in a shopping centre, a teenager poured his drink down the escalator. I immediately told him not to do that. He looked mortified, as though nobody had ever told him off before.
I’m raising my girls alone after my husband Ross died of brain cancer, aged 32, in 2017. I believe strongly in the parenting concept of ‘the village’, which means adults as a collective can help teach young people, alleviating pressure on individuals.
If one of my girls misbehaved, I’d be grateful for another adult correcting them. It doesn’t matter whether it comes from me or another adult. Children must learn that choices have consequences. Sometimes, the most valuable life lessons are given not by parents but by other adults.
Holly Matthews is an Author, self-development coach and founder of The Happy Me Project.
No – “I’m not happy about it”
Author and mum of three Ivana Poku, 40, from Fife, lives with her three boys, aged eight and two, and husband Yaw, 48.
It’s happened a few times where another parent has shouted at my older sons, and I haven’t been happy about it. When my twins were four, we were with a friend and her children. At one point, the children ran into a neighbour’s garden, where they weren’t supposed to go. My friend shouted at them all, really loudly. My children were upset and started crying. I didn’t like it at all.
I’m not a mum who never tells off her children but I believe in disciplining calmly – a very different approach to my friend. You never know how other people’s children react to being disciplined. My son is sensitive and reacts emotionally, so it’s not OK for someone to shout at him.
I’d never tell off another person’s child, even if I’m tempted! Once, the boys had a friend over and they all ran into our bedroom and jumped on the bed. I told my boys not to do that but didn’t say anything to the other child. I don’t feel it’s my place. The thought of upsetting someone else’s child makes me feel uncomfortable and I dislike the idea of someone else upsetting my child too.
See mumsjourney.com and check out Ivana’s podcast Life in Black and White.
And, a note from GoodtoKnow’s family editor Stephanie Lowe:
Parenting is the hardest job, with no handover notes and the most demanding boss in the world. While navigating that, you’re also learning how to live in a community and share space with families with different rules and expectations. Play politics is one of the trickiest tightropes to tread, in my opinion. They can be so divisive.
For example, I’m okay with my kid climbing up the slide in the playground – I’ve taught him that when people want to come down he jumps off, but when it’s clear he can climb. It’s much more effective, in the long run, that he learns how to be aware of people around him and to know how to play in a way he likes, that’s safe. This earns me tuts, looks and raised eyebrows.
But part of parenting is teaching your children how to be in a shared space too, right?
Holly and Ivana’s views were originally published in July 2024 in Woman’s Own, which is also owned by Future Publishing. For this online edition, we have added more background about the social post that sparked the debate – and added a note from our family editor.
