Experts have revealed the XX seemingly innocent phrases that grandparents should avoid using around their grandkids.
Grandparents are a vital part of the family tree, offering practical help with childcare as well as enriching grandkids’ lives, with studies showing that children who have a good relationship with their grandparents have less behavioural and emotional problems.
But as grandparents spend more time with their grandkids, there are some phrases they may use that can be damaging even if they’re said in the most well-meaning and innocent way, an expert has now revealed.
Speaking to GoodToKnow, Dr. Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of UK Therapy Rooms, revealed, “Grandparents; the family elders we look to for wisdom, unconditional love, and maybe some spoiling here and there. But even their well-intentioned words can inadvertently cause ripples beneath those warm, doting exteriors.
“Seemingly harmless comments might not raise an eyebrow from another adult’s lips. Yet for the fragile self-concepts of young grandchildren, these phrases hold unexpected power to undermine family trust and erode emotional foundations.”
So what phrases need to be avoided?
“Take the all-too-common utterances like ‘Don’t tell your parents…’ or ‘Your mum and dad are wrong about…’ Statements that immediately create a wedge, driving secrecy between child and parent,” Dr Glazer explains. “Or casual remarks on a child’s appetite or size – ‘You’re getting so big! Have you put on weight?’ Body commentary like that can plant early seeds of self-consciousness. Even the pushiest demand of ‘You better give grandma a hug and kiss!’ disregards personal boundaries.
“Comments like ‘You’re my favourite grandchild’ or ‘I wish your sibling was more like you’ are definite no-nos. Playing favourites or pitting grandchildren against each other breeds insecurity and resentment within the family. Likewise, remarks about a child’s interests or hobbies like ‘Only babies still play with dolls/trucks’ or ‘Isn’t that a silly game?’ dismiss and invalidate what matters to kids. It chips away at their confidence to freely explore. Even throwaway phrases grandparents use as jokes or pet names like ‘Little couch potato’ or ‘My chubby bunny’ can inadvertently plant self-consciousness from a young age. The impacts linger long after the words are forgotten.”
The problem is not only the phrases, but the fact it’s a grandparent whose saying them, the expert highlights. He explained, “The truth is, grandparents wield significant influence over young developing minds. Their approval, validation and respect for boundaries help shape self-worth, confidence and values. So, injudicious comments that might seem insignificant to adults can reverberate through childrens’ developmental lenses in distorting ways.”
It’s not just Dr Glazer who has thoughts on the phrases that grandparents should avoid, parents understandably do too. Stephanie Lowe, the Family Editor here at GoodToKnow, shared, “My mum always says a variation of ‘No pudding if you don’t eat your dinner’. I have to always say ‘They’re not our rules, nan. We listen to our bodies and stop when we’re full’.
“It’s sometimes hard for my mum to understand that as I grew up in a house where the table was a battleground every night. There are boundaries in place, it’s not just he gets to stop eating and then have a snack 10 minutes later. I just really wanted to break that cycle of ‘get it eaten’ which led me to being a 42-year-old woman who struggles with listening to her hunger cues as she’s always been told what to eat and when by her parents and then by magazines and diets.”
In other family news, one grandparent has a ‘bigger’ impact on kids than the other… Can you guess which one? Plus, five categories of grandparent have been identified by psychologists, and we all want #2. And, child psychologist unveils ‘the grandparent code’, a list of 12 grandparenting rules to keep family relationships strong and healthy.
