A new study has revealed that strong relationships are made through hard work, highlighting the four behaviours that couples can introduce to better ‘flourish’ in love.
We all want to see the signs that we’ve found our soulmate – but in truth, we know deep down that love isn’t that simple. In fact, ‘soulmate thinking’ is destroying many relationships, with people opting out of the hard work it takes to build a healthy partnership in favour of simply believing things will work out because they’re ‘destined’ to.
And if this new study is anything to go by, that way of thinking will only lead to heartbreak. That’s because new research by the Institute for Family Studies has found that strong marriages are made, not found.
What they mean by that is that strong partnerships must be crafted through years of hard work, where each partner shows the other they are loved, trusted, and appreciated. Simply finding someone and falling in love with them, without doing any of that work to show them they’re loved, won’t lead to the most fulfilling relationship, they say.
Through their research, they found that the ‘strongest’ couples – meaning those who both believed strongly in commitment to each other, caring about each other, and showing compassion to each other – all used four specific behaviours that made the other feel loved and secure in their relationship. These were;
1. Spending Meaningful Time Together. According to the research, couples who spent more ‘relationship-focused time’ together, going on ‘regular dates together’ or spending meaningful time at home with one another, had stronger marriages than those who did not.
“My wife and I make it a point to spend time together every night watching a movie, working on a project together, or even just talking,” Alex, husband to Jessica and dad to three boys, told GoodToKnow. “We also make sure to go on a trip together at least once a year while granny watches the kids. This keeps our relationship strong and it helps us be better parents.”
2. Acts of Kindness. Researchers also found that ‘doing regular acts of kindness for each other’ led couples to feel more secure in their relationships, with both partners ‘showing kindness, gratitude, and affection on a daily basis.’
3. Forgive Offences. In conjunction with doing acts of kindness, researchers explained that moving on from negative moments was also important to create a strong relationship. They explained, “This combination of adding positive investments, while productively moving on from negative interactions, keeps a relationship vibrant through the seasons of their relationship.”
4. Relationship Maintenance. “High connection couples are significantly more likely to engage in relationship maintenance behaviours in their relationship, such as expressing needs, discussing problems, and setting goals for improvement,” the research showed.
So what’s the benefit of these behaviours? Overall, the researchers found that those who showed them, and were on the receiving end of them too, scored very highly when asked about their overall level of life satisfaction and life meaning. It proved, they say, that a healthy relationship that’s worked on constantly leads people to have a better outlook on not only their relationship but also their entire life.
If you want to give the behaviours a try, where should you start? According to Brooke Box, a relationship expert and bestselling author who spoke to GoodToKnow previously about how to fix your marriage while raising kids, carving out quality time is a good jumping off point that should leave the other three behaviours to follow naturally.
“If you simply haven’t got the bandwidth to schedule regular ‘date nights’, beg, borrow and steal babysitters to have one night where you can both go out and try to reconnect,” she says. “If not, try to find small pockets of time where you can be alone together, even if it’s just a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after the kids go to bed. Dedicate time to be together as a couple, not just as co-parents. It’s crucial to reconnect outside of your parenting roles.”
In other relationship news, do you feel insecure in your relationship? Check if you recognise these 6 ‘healthy habits’ and it might ease your worries. And, scientists reveal the one sign to predict marital bliss. Plus, these are the four toxic traits that will ‘ruin’ your relationship, and how to avoid them.
