What is sadfishing? An expert in teenage behaviour shares how to talk to your teen about this online trend, and the impact it can have on their mental health.
If you’re worried about how social media affects teenagers’ mental health, you’re certainly not alone. From the questions to ask your teen if they’re online gaming, to just getting them stop doomscrolling, keeping your young person away from online dangers can feel exhausting – but there are always solutions.
Another online trend to be aware of, is the practice of ‘sadfishing.’ This involves exaggerating emotive stories online, in exchange for sympathy and attention. While it might not initially seem like one of the worst practices to engage in online, there’s actually quite serious mental health implications involved in turning to this performative way of using social media.
To understand more about the negative aspects of sadfishing, we spoke to parenting expert Anita Cleare, author of How to get your teenager out of their bedroom. Anita tells us “Continuously focusing on and sharing negative emotions can reinforce these feelings, making them more prominent and harder to manage.”
She adds “This behaviour might lead individuals to dwell more on their problems rather than seeking constructive solutions, potentially worsening their emotional state. It’s also a way of seeking external validation and building a sense of our own value on a foundation of negative emotions and experiences, rather than building self-esteem on positive attributes.”
In this article, Anita shares more insight into what sadfishing entails, and what might draw teens into practicing it. She also walks us through why it’s a maladaptive coping mechanism, and why teens should be encouraged to seek out face-to-face help if they’re struggling.
What is sadfishing?
Anita sums up the practice of sadfishing, telling us “Sadfishing is when teens post images, words or gestures online indicating unhappiness or negative emotions in order to attract attention, elicit sympathy or create connection with others. Reaching out to others for support is a healthy coping strategy but with sadfishing expressing negative emotions can be performative rather than genuine and can lead feelings to escalate rather than to resolve in the longer term.”
We spoke to secondary school teacher, Katherine, who tells us “Sadfishing is rife in most of the classes I teach. The students compare sad stories and constantly try to out-do one another with their online tales of woe – it’s like they’ve lost sight of their actual feelings and the real meaning of them. As teachers, we constantly try and have frank discussions about the dangers of sadfishing, but it’s a persistent problem among all age groups that is hard to clamp down on, especially when most of it happens outside school. That’s why it’s vital parents address this with their children.”
What draws teens into sadfishing?
Anita shares “The teenage years can bring a rollercoaster of emotions and self-doubt and teens often feel alone with their emotional struggles. By expressing these feelings through social media, teens may simply be looking for validation or to find others who relate, and to reduce their sense of isolation. Reaching out online can feel safer than face-to-face interactions, especially if teens fear judgment or rejection or if they believe the adults around them don’t understand them or respect their feelings.”
She adds “Sadfishing can bring temporary relief to difficult feelings and intrusive thoughts through kind comments and positive responses and can generate a sense of connection and being understood. However, when teens get a lot of attention and positive responses for posting online about feeling sad, there is a temptation for them to do it again and maybe to escalate their expressions of sadness or negative feelings in order to get that same response again. And they don’t learn ways to manage that emotion in healthier longer-term ways. They might even be drawn into an online tribe that valorises harmful coping strategies.”
“When teens get a lot of attention and positive responses for posting online about feeling sad, there is a temptation for them to do it again and maybe to escalate their expressions of sadness or negative feelings in order to get that same response again.”
Anita Cleare, parenting expert
Why teens should seek out in-person support rather than sadfishing.
Although teens might get the instant gratification and attention they crave through sadfishing, they’ll ultimately only end up properly resolving any real problems they have by talking to face-to-face to a professional. Anita tells us “In-person interactions provide a level of empathy and understanding that can be difficult to convey through online platforms. Face-to-face support allows for more nuanced communication, such as body language and tone of voice, which can be comforting in ways that text on a screen cannot match.”
She adds “The most effective way parents can support teens to manage their emotions is to listen empathetically and without judgement. Teens don’t usually want parents’ advice but by gently coaching them through difficult moments, we can help them find the resources inside themselves to rise to emotional challenges. Parents need to find a ways to engage teens in conversations which grow their belief in their ability to succeed.”
Although a need for attention is quite natural in young people, the reasons for constantly seeking it out should be considered. Anita tells us “Children (of all ages) tend to repeat behaviour that gets attention. So, we want to make sure that teens are getting lots of positive attention and feedback for using healthy coping strategies for their emotions.
Looking past teens’ sometimes antagonistic behaviour to the thoughts and feelings that might lie behind it can help us stand in their shoes and judge their choices and actions less harshly. When your teen’s mood is low, a loving and understanding relationship will be more important than ever. We need to turn down the pressure, turn off the criticism and create a nurturing space for them to feel well again.”
“Children of all ages tend to repeat behaviour that gets attention. So, we want to make sure that teens are getting lots of positive attention and feedback for using healthy coping strategies for their emotions.”
Anita Cleare, parenting expert
Why is sadfishing a maladaptive coping mechanism?
Anita answered this succinctly, sharing exactly why it’s considered a bad practice for positive mental health.
- Continuously focusing on and sharing negative emotions can reinforce these feelings, making them more prominent and harder to manage.
- This behaviour might lead individuals to dwell more on their problems rather than seeking constructive solutions, potentially worsening their emotional state.
- It’s also a way of seeking external validation and building a sense of our own value on a foundation of negative emotions and experiences, rather than building self-esteem on positive attributes.
- One of the risks of sadfishing is not being able to control the feedback received. This might be positive, negative or downright dangerous.
- Sadfishing exposes vulnerable teens to negative commentary which can compound feelings of anxiety and depression that might already be there.
- Using sadfishing as a coping strategy for low mood or anxiety might provide short term temporary relief but it doesn’t help teens learn positive coping strategies for the longer term.
- Sadfishing as a relief for anxiety might feed into avoidant behaviour, reinforcing a teen’s sense of “I can’t do this” rather than helping them manage their anxious thoughts and feelings in a way that helps them feel brave and encourages them to face their fears.
- Anxious teens need to learn strategies for calming themselves and coping with the flood of thoughts and feelings that accompany challenging moments if they are to overcome anxiety and step confidently into the real world.
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Anita Cleare (MA, AdvDip) is a parenting expert who writes the award-nominated ‘Thinking Parenting’ blog and delivers expert parenting seminars, webinars and one-to-one support. Anita has studied child developmental psychology to postgraduate level and is an accredited Triple P® parenting coach. She speaks at events internationally and is regularly featured as a parenting expert on TV and radio. She is also Director of the Positive Parenting Project. Her forthcoming book, How To Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom is out on September 10th.
